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[27 Mar 2005|08:41pm] |
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music |
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alice in wonderland |
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this is my first time in years watching Alice in Wonderland.
oh, Yellow Submarine. too.
That'd be an experience.
I finally watched City of God, and i'm glad I did, or I would have missed out, it wasn't even scary, Aaron was right. Now Victor can watch it.
Tomorrow I want to go on a little picnic downtown. and play on the swings.
but, oh no, i hope my bowl is out of the hospital. i hope he's going to be okay.
ManeeGMEJ [8:45 PM]: what are u doing bitch?
ForUrOwnSake [8:46 PM]: who the fuck is this
ManeeGMEJ [8:46 PM]: lol lol
ManeeGMEJ [8:46 PM]: guess bitch?
ForUrOwnSake [8:46 PM]: oh lol lol, your a fag. 10th graders
ManeeGMEJ [8:46 PM]: lol took u long enough
ManeeGMEJ [8:46 PM]: so what are u doing?
ForUrOwnSake [8:47 PM]: I dont even know you.
ManeeGMEJ [8:47 PM]: it's jenna bitch
ForUrOwnSake [8:47 PM]: okay
ManeeGMEJ [8:48 PM]: omg are u kidding me
ManeeGMEJ [8:50 PM]: from 8th period dumb ass how stoned are u lol
ForUrOwnSake [8:50 PM]: haha
ForUrOwnSake [8:50 PM]: holy shit
ForUrOwnSake [8:50 PM]: i know you
ForUrOwnSake [8:50 PM]: slut
ManeeGMEJ [8:51 PM]: lol ya wow it took u long enough lol
ForUrOwnSake [8:51 PM]: haha, holy shit, its amazing.
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(words of wisdom)
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[14 Mar 2005|09:45pm] |
says einlosungskrieg
what slut.
menthol cigarettes are delightful.
drugs
banana nut bread taste good.
alcohol makes me feel good.
i'm all alone now. Sam has moved away from Bonita. I have no car, my grandparents took it away from me for three weeks while there visiting. Then I have to stay with them during my spring break in Lehigh, joy. I get presents.
blah blah blah
i'm sorry
i want to make things better for you. but i can't.
how about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
or a prom date
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(1 more hippos | words of wisdom)
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[19 Dec 2004|09:51pm] |
maybe she's right. i'm just too arrogant to admit it.
i am allowed to let other people into my heart.
i shouldn't be embarrassed.
i am skin close, so close in letting her know that her bullshit doesn't stand with me. i don't understand why other people never say it.
but i will,
its perfect, i'm willing to be a complete bitch in the making.
people are stupid, drinking is good to get you horny, and smoking weed is fun to extend the laughs. cigarette's are a well lasting supply of stress relieving symptoms.
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(words of wisdom)
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[23 Nov 2004|09:40pm] |
new live journal
einlosungskrieg
i'm sick of looking at this xxx_productions, you'd think i'd be a slut. but i've added some friends, if your not on there, well thats impossible because thats all the friends i have, but maybe theres a slight chance your not, add me and you'll gladly be added.
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(words of wisdom)
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[17 Nov 2004|08:08pm] |
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mood |
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 uncomfortable |
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music |
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The Raincoats |
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Bless you.
Theres a stomach virus going around, thats contagious, also the flu is flying around like a spring chicken. On the news, they were giving warning signs out to people, saying if you feel like you have cramps, or like knives are stabbing you and can't get out of bed, see a doctor or stay home, its contagious. After that, I looked at me mom, and she said "To late, you already went to school." Since Sunday I've been sick, and it was the worst sickness I have ever encountered, by golly I felt like I was on that cough and cold drug again, that made me puke seven times. Now, its noting but the coughs and sniffles.
I'm going to a club this weekend, my first time.
Today was my first night that I did not have any homework, and I popped a big bag of buttered popcorn and sat down on the couch, watched some t.v, and then ate some more, it was nice, but I missed my mom not being home, I get lonely if my house with no one to talk to but the dogs, and lately they don't even listen.
My teeth have been turning a shade of yellow, it's been creeping up on me.
I'm very, very angry at little kids, immature 10th graders.
And I haven't had a cigarette in four days, and counting.
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(5 more hipposs | words of wisdom)
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[25 Oct 2004|04:11pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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music |
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A Cinderella Story |
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Call me childish, but i've watched A Cinderella Story about five times in the past three days i've had it. I personally don't like Hilary Duff, but it's a wonderful story, and the story line makes me tingle all over, it's a story that i've always dreamed of, one day my prince charming will come rescue me. What we all don't realize, is that in someone else's eyes, were beautiful, to them, were everything that they have been looking for. I bet there is someone out there, who will look at me, and see everything that I hate and fall in love with it, and thats what that movie is all about.
All you have to do is get to know me.
My weekend was wicked. Halloween Horror nights was yet another one to remember. I love them so much, and here it goes, just another journal entry explaining how great my friends are, but this weekend, it really proved it. It was comical, Sam, getting scared by a "rock man", and betsy, you have to love her stoned graceful self, loren, for being in a wonderful mood the whole night, kathy, for her abiliy to lead us through the haunted house, Critter, for being the "chill" guy he is, and jax, well she was pretty content during the evening.
And now, this week, Sam's mom is going out of town, and were going to have a Halloween party at her house. Everyone must dress up, all invited. Our homecoming is this weekend, and all I have to say is, FUCK THAT, it would be lame anyway without a date.
Peace out my niggas. haha
Im in love with someone else
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(1 more hippos | words of wisdom)
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[18 Oct 2004|08:51pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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music |
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bob marley |
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hair; is funny
long
short
curly
straight
frizzy
flat
puffy
stringy
oily
dry
pretty
ugly
nasty
beautiful
smelly
different colors
im going to shave my head
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(5 more hipposs | words of wisdom)
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| pop rocks |
[12 Sep 2004|09:21pm] |
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mood |
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cold |
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music |
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vision of disorder |
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I've grown a headache trying to move along, through my path. I believe that there is a greater world out there. It could be aliens, walking around on a different planet. They have all come down to earth, before we knew time, they are the directors of our movies, and when the time comes for the destruction they've planned, were going to ignore it, because were closed minded, and our lives have been surrounded with the fiction. But thats what they planned, they took the time, with there intelligence to make our minds think what is true, isn't. For a second we wouldn't take into consideration what was real, we would be gone in an instant. Thinking logic, the world is just a big video game some kid is playing in a lager galaxy. He is pressing the controls to run our lives, he is waking us up in the morning, he is picking our jobs, sending us to school, he is making our choices for us without our knowledge, he is sending us on a field trip for his entertainment, and then he puts us to sleep. Or you could be a strong believer that the world is at its out most normal range, that everything seems just like it is. I'm not sure yet, what occurrence i believe has the power to run this world, but i take all opinions into hand. One thing I do know, that nothing seems like its suppose to, there is always another definition than the first. There is a place you go after you die, where that is, i'm not sure yet, until i get there. And if you have ever seen the Exorcist, take up some research, its all ccurrences that takes place in this life. Its insane to consider and think is ture, and it might be a sin, but when there lies a god, a devil is born.
This all could be just nonsense, in one ear and out the other. I don't understand it yet either.
This weekend is a big blur to me, and i don't like it one bit. I don't like the fact that drugs are taking our my life, and my friends. I don't speak my mind too often, but my friends really do mean the world to mean, even if were not that close. I care and i think about whats really going to happen to us each time i take a hit of that joint, instead of having fun, im scared, terrified that my life is going to be pointless, and to me it seems like im the only one that gives a damn. I could be having fun now, but next year, i'll still wanting to have fun, im going to be changing, and now, looking at the changes of ones im surrounded with, i don't want to be, i don't want to make mistakes. I'm scared about my life, but im also scared to think whats going to become of them, what are they going to be doing a year from now when im off in college. I wish that they would know that when i say this, its not false, there lives could mean so much, there dreams could come true, and i wouldn't care so much when they smoke or joke around about life if they took some things seriously. Everyone is gong to loose a lot the rate this is going.
Most of all, I wish i could tell everyone of my friends that they are worth something, and don't have to joke around about where there from, I want to say that everything will be okay, but if that joint still sleeps in our hand/hands, its going to come hard, and its going to be a while until i/we grow up. Im going to be eighteen next year, and i hope when i graduate, i go to Africa, i want to take off a couple months and photograph,study animal life, follow the herds/families around, and when I come back, I want everyone to be happy, they should all have there own lives, and I don't want to see no one, where they are today.
Were all so much better than that.
Yes, im talking about you. All of you, in my eye.
Im scared for you and me.
For now, im enjoying life, but hating what others are going through, i want lust and love, so much that i could give up a arm for it, im ready for the fights im going to have because im so jealously in love. There are going to be two people who saw each other for a split second and know that there going to be together, they couldn't see themselves kissing another. There too young to comprehend what it's all about, how much time and care is involved. But when years have past, I still want to be able to look into that persons eyes and see the passion they once had for me for that split second, if not, its heartbreaking. You can be so madly in love, that its blinding, really.
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(5 more hipposs | words of wisdom)
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[24 Aug 2004|09:54pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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the cooper temple clause |
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it's not so much dishonesty, its when you build up lies around it to make commotion. i remember when one person, felt it was necessary to make lies, to make conversation, that it led to something much greater, hate. being stuck in a situation when the fault is in someone elses hands and your standing there, innocent, but still to blame. its a horrible feeling.
and today, i was reminded of that experience.
you think you know someone well, someone to explore emotions with, someone to care for, someone to think of, someone to listen, and someone you can trust to keep a conversation or a statement to themselves. the next day, you find out, that nothing you thought, was true. i just hate the whole situation, it could be my fault, it could be our fault, or it could be your fault.
i dont have a problem with anyone at my school, i go around with a grumpy look and a puzzled face, but that doesnt symbolize i mean harm or dislike. i talk about other people, not because i dont like you, but because i can make my own judgments about you, because i dont know you. i dont want any lies to be bottled up, were all guilty, and lets leave it at that, no one to blame but our stupidity, it makes it a lot easier that way.
i wish, i could have the presence to make friends with everyone.
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(2 more hipposs | words of wisdom)
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[21 Aug 2004|02:00pm] |
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mood |
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lonely |
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i'm afraid of everything
i should open a window
life would be so much easier if someone before me, lived it. i could easily open a book and follow along the pages.
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(words of wisdom)
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| Lock old with new |
[15 Aug 2004|09:10pm] |
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mood |
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crampy |
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music |
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R.E.M |
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I have time, too much time, time which made me think of the past, and whats not better than to think of the past, but to read about it in my journal. Going through and reading my journal, it's insane, what a complete idiot I sounded like writing what I thought was entertaining, meaningful, and comprehensive. I was going to take the time to read each entry, try to go back to that place, try and go back to the feelings my words would lead me, but nothing happened, all that happened, I got bored, and decided to give up, and leave it with the most sensible entry I wrote, the one just before this one. Everything I deleted, they meant nothing, and ones that still stand mean nothing to me. But you know when you go back and look at a story or paper you written in the ninth grade, and you see that you made no sense, everything was misleading, and your hand writing was all messy, its not in relation to what it is now. Thats how it is for me, it's insane, entertaining at the most. I had fights with countless people, Sam, Alexis, and Jax, all though Jax's and our fight was more along the lines of miscommunication that were still working on. Sam and I's fight was intentional, that was the hardest, that fight, we ripped each other down, exploited things about each other no friend would think of, I was still digging the hole when she finished and buried me. Now, we would do nothing to intentionally hurt each other. I had bad days, that let me contribute to the drama queens alive and willing, and good days that made me swell in laughs. Oh yeah, there was also a point to were everyone was bickering on live journal, between Betsy, alexis and I, I can't really recognize what it was about, but I know it had to deal with Ryan and I going out, and from there, it all went downhill. But its funny, because now, I don't know what I would do if I new Betsy wouldn't fill that empty spot standing next to me, in any situation. Through this journal, I fell in happiest love, and fell out of love, I got my heart broken, but didn't break any others hearts. I do have to say I wish a lot of things would have worked out, it would be nice to see a picture of the past brought back into the future, and i miss a lot of things i lost in the past, but more thankful for the things I have gained.
But forget the things i've talked about because now, everything is running on a straight line, going forward. This is going to be the happiest entry you will ever read.
My time is spent with the same people day after day, I can't say that I don't want to make more friends or build stronger ones, but for now, i'm happy with the people that i'm surrounded with. Things are steady. Although, I would much prefer going to Cypress or Getway than Estero, but thats a no go. And in the love department, that hasn't jumped in a long while. I had to break up with my boyfriend, Banks, it wasn't working out, he could have cared less about me, he just admired the stage and guitar in his hand So there I go again, surrounded by a beautiful couple, and beautiful people who are involved with others, oh and theres jamie, off to no good, off by herself. Ah, whats new. Lets see what come my way, because this is my lucky part of the year, sooner than you know it, winter will stroll around.
I'm ready for my life to change. I'm ready for my studies, i'm ready for the up coming conversations of us girls, i'm ready for my up taking pot addiction, but most of all, i'm ready for the responsibilities of love.
p.s no school until thursday.
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(20 more hipposs | words of wisdom)
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[13 Nov 2003|05:38pm] |
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Days of Days seem like there being passed as years.
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(words of wisdom)
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[12 Nov 2003|08:47pm] |
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mood |
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drained |
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No worries.
Be care free.
things in general are like a sponge, let it soak in but instead of letting water drip out, it stays, and never goes away.
i dont want to deal with the sponge anymore, its over. is up North ready for me...
bye.
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(7 more hipposs | words of wisdom)
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[08 Nov 2003|11:00pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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none |
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the movie it, the first half is some what scarey, well at least for me. the second, at the end, blows the whole movie out of water. its so gay. it makes the whole entire movie cheese-ie.
it was funny though, the huge spider will come and get us all.
it might seem like the whole world will crumble down, that nothing seems to go right. your whole life doesnt make sense. and the days you want to die will over rule.
but sooner or later, happiness will take control.
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(1 more hippos | words of wisdom)
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| sleep |
[07 Nov 2003|08:34am] |
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mood |
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mellow |
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| [ |
music |
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vandetta red |
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ah.
i was so tired last night, i for one didnt even know what i was talking about. woke up this morning at 7:40. it was nice to actually get some sleep. but my ma' is still making me go to school, how gay is that shit. but not until 9:30 because thats when her golf lesson is, haha.
alright, im gone to go ready for school.
call me on my cell.
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(words of wisdom)
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[06 Nov 2003|09:36pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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csi |
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Tonight was entertainging. im made a complete fool of myself doing the sack race. but its all good, they still cheered. lol.
Chris is a funny mango. lots of laughs.
ladies he is single, and looking lol.
from now on this is what im going to say to my parents when they call me unorganized.
" Organized people are lazy, they dont take the time to look for things"
Its great.
but im out to go and talk to the parentals about this weekend.
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(words of wisdom)
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[05 Nov 2003|10:05pm] |
okay. i'd like you to come up to me and say you wish i was dead. that im a bitch and a cunt.
scott. please do.
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(words of wisdom)
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[05 Nov 2003|08:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 busy |
] |
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music |
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the oc |
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Thank you, for making life easier. And funnier.
Alexis
Jax
Chris
Josh
Corbin
Megan
Madison
Ashley
Sena
Ryan
im always going to be here, and im never going to go away, lucky, im not so sure, but i promise i'll be here.
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(3 more hipposs | words of wisdom)
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xxx_productions's journal
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